Thoughts

I have never been an empathetic person. In fact, I am sure I offer little to no comfort to someone who is hurting or broken because I just get awkward. I haven’t ever really embraced that whole weep with those who are weeping verse yet. To be honest, I don’t know how to do that. But through this season I have begun to see how important and crucial it is. It can be such an encouragement to someone going through a difficult time.

What I am learning is that cancer and death are just absolutely horrible. Death is completely opposite of God’s intention and created design. My dad has been in the ICU for 3 weeks now in stable condition, but just has been elevated to critical. It is horrible news. I am obviously praying for God to heal my dad and reveal himself to him, but there is a part of me that has grown weary of praying that. I know its only been several weeks, but sometimes it gets old. I know there are countless stories of people that prayed for stuff for years before any fruit came out of it, but if I am completely honest it is hard to keep praying. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I will stop, but I understand the idea that prayer is labor and sometimes it isn’t easy to continue in, but we are encouraged through scripture to keep at it!

For whatever reason today just was a really tough day. I have been working on getting my realtor’s license for months now and I finally finished up the online course. I usually call my dad on the way home from work or an appointment to tell him some of the stuff that has been happening, to talk politics, to talk about the Chicago Bears, or to share something funny that our kids did. I haven’t been able to call him and share any of this stuff, and it has been the hardest part about this whole process. I want to tell him how ridiculous the presidential races have been, ask him the best way to get to a spot in Chicago, show him a picture of Patagonia getting her cast off and so much more, but I can’t do that right now. I don’t even know if I will ever be able to do that again. It is probably the most difficult thing I have had to deal with in my life.

My dad is far from a perfect man. I know his flaws and shortcomings, but through this entire process I have been flooded with some of the joyful memories that we had as children. How he always was sitting in his chair on the first base side of my baseball games watching me pitch, playing catch in the backyard, fall weekends watching the Bears and eating something out of the crock pot, our trip last fall to Colorado for his 70th birthday, and the boys weekend we had just a few months ago with Brighton.

There is nothing I want more than to be able to have a conversation with him and share my heart and tell him that I love him. I don’t know what the future holds, my dad has been through a lot of stuff and always pulls through so I am not counting him out just yet. But if I never get to talk to him again, I would just so greatly exhort you to not take for granted the ability to tell a friend or a loved one that you love them, or share something important while you have time. Its cliche, I know, so my apologies, but it is something I have never personally experienced until now. Blessings.